The Elusive Housewife

Musings, reflections and lessons from a Housewife

Tag: DIY

  • Why having audacity is essential.

    In life you need to have audacity.

    You need to have the audacity to believe your dreams, goals, are in reach.

    Because honestly, what business does some average looking, talentless white boy have auditioning to be in on Love Island?

    How did that ugly, woman with bad teeth get a husband and live in marital bliss for over 30 years?

    How is this mediocore artist selling so much of his work?

    AUDACITY.

    You must look your situation in the face, take a good look at your surroundings: and without seeing any supporting evidence – any at all – but the vision in your own head and still believe that you can and you will have that thing you want.

    I mean, why not?

    The future hasn’t happened yet. Which means you can use the present moment, this moment, to take a step towards the future you want.

    Self respect, self worth, and dreaming are not things that one must earn. They are basic, fundamental and foundational aspects of living a fulfilled life.

    Instagram, TikTok and the like will have you thinking only beautiful women get married, only rich men have confidence. Only really talented people become successful. Only white people get to be gay….

    All lies.

    You have to be bold enough to believe. Be crazy enough to do. Because that’s what the people who are living the life you want are doing.

    THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY TO THINK THEY CAN DO WHAT THEY’RE DOING. SO THEY DO.

    A business doesn’t become a success overnight. But the business owner must have the audacity to continue working even though her books suggest she should probably close up. She must be delusional enough to apply herself day after day even though she’s in the red…

    Until one day she isn’t…

    The happily married ugly woman is so because when her husband (or wife) pursued her she had the AUDACITY to believe they were serious about dating her in the first place. If she had believed the evidence laid out in the mirror, no….she would not have found love…

    But the audacity...

    The audacity...

    The audacity to have no shame in being your true self: to feel joy without judgement, to express yourself without inhibitions.

    You’re not embarrassed. Embarrassed in front of whom?

    People that are embarrassing themselves? People who will look in the mirror and lie…even when no-one else is in the room? Seriously?

    Most people’s entire world is built upon the expectations, desires and approval of others.

    And on the topic of embarrassment: why do you give it so much power? Emotions are temporary; meant to be felt and moved through. They are not meant to be a life sentence. There is no single emotion or sensation that exists forever. Not happiness, not sadness and no, not even embarrassment.

    Have the audacity to try, to start – even if that means you mess up. Failure is only final if you do not and will not learn from your mistakes.

    Have the courage to try again. This time, you are equipped with the invaluable wisdom of real lived experience.

    Your past experiences will demonstrate your ability to overcome what has hurt you. The things that once kept you up at night, don’t even cross your mind anymore.

    Yet you have the audacity, the audacity to live in self-doubt?

    Some of the things i experienced – at times on a daily basis – are the main story-line in your favourite true-crime series. The lived experience of the most wretched, dark and truly evil segment of the news.

    But i have – and thankfully always had – the audacity to believe that I am meant for more. Some of my past experiences suggest I should be some kind of psycho, out causing hurt and harm to the world because such was inflicted on me.

    But no.

    No.

    I bare faced set aside the ugly facts of my past and live with the audacious belief that I am beautiful and very, very worthy of the authentic life I messily, and most beautifully create. Day in, day out.

    Living out your dreams will kill your fears. Growing and learning from your mistakes and past wounds will kill your ego.

    So have the audacity to dream. To grow and to learn.

    Just like that “ugly” woman who is in-love and happily married – have the audacity to get the love you deserve despite society telling you that you can’t.

    Have the audacity to be openly queer because your sexual orientation, or gender expression does not have to be digestible for anyone.

    Have the audacity to believe that things will work out in the end. You don’t have to believe that you will always be happy and get what you want – in fact i can almost garuntee that you won’t always be happy and get what you want- but you must have the audacity to believe that whatever is thrown at you will strengthen and grow you.

    The weight of other people’s opinion is genuinely a fabrication of the mind. The world is so big. So. So. Big. What the people in your workplace, or your town or village think of you or your achievements has no value in some distant corner of the earth. And in all honesty, people aren’t even thinking about you, at least nowhere near as much as you think about yourself.

    Having audacity is really just having an unwavering – and yes, sometimes unjustified – level of trust in yourself. Trust that whatever should arise that challenges you, will be overcome as all the past challenges have been.

    ****if you have got to the end of this blog post, i thank you and ask that you share this post with anyone who you feel would benefit from reading these words. Share on your social media if you like, help this reach just one person who needs to read this. Thank you endlessly for reading****

  • 5 things I do for fun

    Daily writing prompt
    List five things you do for fun.
    View all responses
    1. Getting glam. I love looking good. I truly love it; having a “everything” shower, skincare, makeup, hair and nails. Have to smell nice too. There’s something about getting ready everyday, putting on makeup and beautifying oneself that is sooo fun. For me its very much living art, however conceited and self interested that sounds. I accept its the rent women have to pay on this earth…game, set and matched. And that’s on self confidence.
    2. Going for walks. Going for walks is religious at this point. It makes me feel so good. There’s something about nature that is so humbling and grounding. Just peaceful. Demands nothing. Exists without my input. God.
    3. Listening to music; reminds me of who i am at my core. Silly, slightly melancholic, girly, random. Lets your soul speak.
    4. Colouring: silly, yes. Fun, also yes. It is what it is.
    5. Learning. Yeah, I’m nosey. I love to learn about how people around the world live. Not to approve or disapprove but to witness as much of the human experience as possible. I genuinely love speaking to old people for this reason. Some knowledge cannot be packaged and sold by a prestigious university. Some knowledge is simple passed down. From one fat auntie to a young girl coming-of-age.

  • 4 REASONS YOU HATE YOUR LIFE

    At some point in life where you realise, “I hate my life!” Well if you’ve had this moment in recent times, or felt like this for a long time then you are in the right place!

    Let’s dive in…

    1. You’re a hater

    A hater leads with their dislike of things. You focus on what you don’t like. You’re the type of person who sees the ugly, before the beautiful. Generous with harsh commentary, yet frugal with compliments. Maybe you’re an online troll? The type of person who comments on another girls photo, and just haaaaasss to say “but her lipstick looks cheap”, “I hate the colour of her laces, they should have been black”. Someone posts a picture of the progress of their garden; ” I can’t believe they posted that without moving the bins out of the way”. Your friend starts a business, “I can’t believe you do all that and you only have 3 customers. If it were me, i would just quit!”

    If you do or say things of this nature then YOU ARE A HATER! Failing to see the beauty in everyday life can be a symptom of depression, yes. But it is also a reflection of your heart posture. You are giving your focus to what is lacking, rather than what is plentiful. While other people are busy creating the life they want to live, you are sitting on the sidelines passing judgements and unnecessary commentary.

    Hating

    The solution is to turn your attention to what YOU want out of life and take steps to CREATE that life. Do you want a life dictated by happenstance or a life curated by you, for you. You are consuming too much and creating very little. Too much news, social media, television and information. And in the end, your over-consumption leads to energy depletion. You’re using all your energy processing alllll this information, and commenting sh*t on alllll the posts and harbouring alllll this resentment…leaving you little time for your own life. Its time to get a grip.

    If you seeing someone doing well and you have to tell yourself, “She only posts the good parts of her life, i bet she’s dealing with some awful stuff like the rest of us”. While that may be true, there’s also a good chance that it isn’t. Some people do have amazing lives, some people are not hiding this terrible secret, and whether you like it or not, some people really are happy. Draw inspiration from the people that have what you want, or just leave them alone. There is enough abundance in the world for everyone to have their piece of gold.

    Stop hating, and start doing.

    2. You have limiting beliefs

    Limiting beliefs have the power to keep you stagnant.

    Much of the world we see is coloured by the lenses we wear. Your inner thoughts, and the beliefs you hold about yourself are the reason why you won’t apply for that job. Or wear that outfit. Start that degree. You don’t think you’re good enough, smart enough, you don’t want to stand out because you think you’re ugly.

    Work out what your limiting beliefs are and question them. Is it true? Are you really stupid? Or does that belief give you a justification to not push yourself and elevate your life. Does hiding behind “being ugly” excuse you from not doing your hair and making sure it’s clean and presentable?

    The human brain is wired to like repetition and the more you feed into these negative and limiting beliefs the bigger they grow. Starve those thoughts. Notice them and wait for them to pass. Not everything needs your attention. Just because you think something doesn’t make it true.

    You should note; the chances of any individual being born is 1 in 400 trillion.

    1 in 400 trillion

    So stop believing that nothing is possible and understand that the chances of you being born, are 1 in 4 trillion. You exist against those odds. It’s safe to say that anything is possible. Lighten up and train your mind to see opportunity and solutions, not just limitations and challenges.

    A crack head can go to any city, in the country, in the world and still find the drug they need. No money? Language barrier? No teeth? No problem! They will find a way to get what they need.

    Have the tenacity of an addict and see what you can do with your life.

    3. You do not nurture yourself or your environment

    How you present yourself to the world tells people how to treat you. It’s a method of expressing yourself without saying anything. Neglecting to present yourself well tells the world that you don’t care very much for yourself. Most of us will experience times in our lives when spending time on our appearance is not top priority, however, this shouldn’t be your standard.

    You may have even convinced yourself that you don’t care how you look. I call b*llsh*t on that.

    Engaging in self care not only benefits your outer appearance, but it nurtures your soul. It acts as a reminder that you matter, too. You are more than just your responsibilities, and rest and replenishment are crucial elements of a full and happy life.

    Same goes for your environment. A messy, cluttered space adds to feelings of overwhelm and low mood. It takes up space mentally as well as physically. Every living thing needs suitable conditions to grow and flourish and your dirty house is hindering your growth and stifling your energy. People care for what they consider valuable. You maintain your car because you rely on it for transportation. You care for your children because you love them and they depend on you. You care for your pet because you value and are responsible for them. All of those acts, done consistently. So stop making excuses for yourself and nurture your appearance. Clean and healthy is always going to be attractive.

    Do not wait for motivation, or a sudden willingness to begin grooming yourself and your environment. Consistency and discipline will always trump motivation. Don’t think too much about it, just commit to doing it, everyday. Discipline and keeping your word to yourself is a form of self care and self respect. Take care of yourself, period.

    4. You think too much about yourself

    You are often told in moments when you feel low about yourself and your life to “write down 10 things you love about yourself!” or, “look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love yourself!”

    I beg to differ.

    There are no benefits to rumination and over thinking. None. When you hate your life, and or yourself, thinking about yourself and your flaws constantly will only add to your anxiety and low mood.

    There are 2 ways to look at stress: first, there’s the stress that comes with urgency, such as rushing to catch a flight, for example. That stress makes sense, its worth stressing over. For no other reason other than if you rush, plan and move quickly enough, you may catch your flight. The adrenaline and constant thinking about your flight can result in you reaching a solution. Your energy is rewarded. Second, is the stress that comes from constantly worrying. If you focus on anything for long enough you will start to find flaws. Constantly thinking about your problems rarely yeild success. Things like replaying an encounter with a stranger at a party over, and over, trying to work out why you said that stupid joke. Worrying whether that report that you sibmitted to your boss was good enough. Did i embarrass myself in front of my neighbour the other day? Do I look fat?

    All of these thoughts and scenarios will change nothing. Nothing at all. Just wasted hours of life. You need to ask yourself, “Is this train of thought getting me anywhere?” Will replaying that scenario in your head change anything? Are you going to do anything with this thought? If the answer is no, then just stop thinking about it. If the answer is yes, then do whatever it is that you need. Want to get in shape? Eat less, move more. The rest is out of your hands.The devil makes use of idle hands. And you probably have too much time on yours.

    Continuous inward looking can leave you neurotic and drained. Constantly thinking and stewing about yourself leaves little energy for pleasure and light-heartedness. It’s energy lost to a never ending abyss. Instead, i suggest giving your focus to tasks and activities that are life-giving. Hobbies that connect that the mind-body-soul. Naturally, this will look different for everyone but once you discover what allows your mind to completely lose itself in an enjoyable task, do that.

    You also need to be true to yourself. Finding pleasure in hobbies cannot and should not be performative. Your hobbies should bring you joy. Adult life and the day-to-day responsibilities that summise much of adult life can suck the fun and childlike euphoria that you used to so freely experience in childhood. You need to put it back in. Make hobby time a part of your life as much as reasonably possible. A life without expression is extremely dull and will effect the energy you put out to the world. Commit to your hobbies whether you’re happy or sad and see how much you can shift that negative energy you carry around.