How to *actually* get over anything and everything.

When someone tells me to get over something, I don’t often know exactly what they’re getting at. Like, what does that even mean?

That’s what this blog post is gong to unpack…

When we hear ‘get over it’, it’s often in response to something that has agitated, upset or inconvenienced us in some way. So, let’s say you’re out for the day. Dressed to kill. And someone spills coffee over your outfit. Not much, but enough to make a noticeable stain. You fuss and fuss over the stain and yet it doesn’t budge. Your mood shifts and you are now annoyed. Your friend looks over to you and says “Don’t worry about it, you look fine. Just get over it!”

And now you’re raging. Get over it? My outfit is ruined! I look ridiculous”

This is a pretty standard response to such an annoyance.

But here’s the thing: what if I told you that you are annoyed because you feel the dirty outfit makes you look unpresentable.

Not that you now *are* unpresentable.

And being unpresentable has stopped you being or doing…what? Something i guess? I don’t know…

In truth, it isn’t clothes alone that makes one presentable. Its also how you carry yourself. The way you smell, stand and interact with the world.

That’s what makes one presentable.

So you ask: how do I actually get over it?

You carry yourself as if that stain does not exist. You take your pictures, you stand tall and proud. You act as presentable as you are. Because one moment in time does not define very much at all. Neither does a coffee stain on an otherwise well presented person.

Being unable to get over something is often because we subconsciencely try to gain control over the situation by thinking about it over and over, thereby impacting our mood and our ability to “move on”. Thinking about NOT thinking about something almost means that now you CANT stop thinking about it.

You have to let go.

Let go of trying to control it.

You can’t control the spilt coffee, or the stained outfit. So you carry on anyway.

You can’t stop that group of friends or colleagues leaving you out. You can’t stop that boyfriend ending the relationship.

But you can still go on a hike, or bike ride or watch that sunset. You can still put on your makeup and go for a coffee.

You can still travel the world. Even without him. You can change jobs.

Getting over something isn’t seeking revenge or trying to gain the approval of those that hurt you through your success. That’s bondage – but i digress.

Getting over something means to not allow it to control your actions or your thoughts even.

You don’t tell yourself to not think about it. You give yourself something else to think about.

You don’t stop being you.

Whether you’re invited or not, you go and enjoy yourself doing something else. Whether they text you back or not, you go to the gym regardless, because that’s what you were always going to do. You don’t stop for minor inconveniences.

You are you regardless.

You have other things to think about. Not in spite of them, or that – but because you had things to do anyway. Things to think about anyway.

And you think about it. And you do it. And you find that thing you needed to ‘get over’ is, indeed, over.